For over a year, with small periods of inactivity here and there, I had some paid work, writing and reviewing other people's writings, mostly the latter. This was the only thing I found I could do at my own pace, with no fixed schedule, whenever my lack of health allowed it. Although I didn't make a ton of money monthly, it allowed me to pay my medication, basic expenses, and the weed or weed derivative I used to keep the pain low enough so I could keep working for more than an hour a day. And, for a while, I had enough pain relief that I could almost feel a glimpse of normalcy, as long as I reduced my physical effort to a minimum.

At some point, this made me think the good times would keep up, and I was no longer feeling like dead weight to everyone around me. Reality is a bitch, though, and doesn't care about anyone. Eventually, the work began to dry up. Every month, the amount of work decreased to the point I am today, with barely any paid work in the last three months.

We have a saying here: “no money, no vices”. I had gotten used to a manageable level of pain (keep in mind that what I consider manageable is still a crazy amount of pain), and I had forgotten how bad it gets. I didn't forget this shit is awful, but I had forgotten exactly how painful it can get.

Let me give you a fresh example: last Monday, at dinner, my fingers were hurting so much I could barely cut my own food.

Now, I'm back to literally burning my back just to get a small relief. I'm not joking or exaggerating. Almost a week later, I still have blisters from putting a hot water bag directly on my back a few times per day. If I don't brute force the pain signals with other stuff, like the burning feeling, I can't get pain relief. This is what I suspect happens with the weed: the increase in serotonin production forces the brain to allocate more resources to it, leaving less for the pain signals.

I'm currently trying to find another work option, but it's not an easy thing to do when you have these constraints.

#ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Ramblings #Pain

This blog post is one of the most gutwrenching and relatable things – IMHO, at least for me – I've read in the last half-decade. The “You'll be ok. We're here for you.” that soon changes to “You're not ok yet? Get over that, don't be a wuss. Bye!” is all too relatable for me.

Most of the people in my life just stopped reaching out, and I'm left to do it if I want to talk to them. And if they won't do it, I sure as hell won't because I have other stuff to worry about, like having the energy to cook. It may not even be a small task for you, but for someone with chronic pain, IT IS a big endeavour.

#ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Health

I don't know what the fuck is going on, but my sleep quality, which was already bad, has decreased dramatically over the last weeks. I can sleep, but I have a very light sleep and wake up much more tired than I used to. Somedays, I feel so exhausted and dizzy that it takes me over an hour to get out of bed, and even then, I stumble on everything during the first hour or two after getting up. I can't even go down the stairs without grabbing the railing to avoid falling.

#Fibromyalgia #Sleep #ChronicPain

I have fibromyalgia, a hell that began almost four years ago. During the first two years, more or less, I read a lot of studies. Still, none got me genuinely excited. That is until a team in Sweden decided to see if the syndrome has an autoimmune origin. The first part of their investigation points to that, and there was subsequent Research from another team that also showed solid evidence of this hypothesis being correct. The second part of the Swede's is still pending.

As far as I know, that's it for Research. A team or even two might be doing work around fibromyalgia, but publishing it will probably take a while. Even after that, assuming the identification of the syndrome's origin and the development of an effective treatment, it will take even more time to adjust the current shitty therapies available that fail miserably at keeping the pain at bay or at least at non-hellish levels.

Every day, the hope of getting access to an effective treatment for fibromyalgia during my lifetime fades away, little by little.

#Health #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Research

One of the things fibromyalgia brought me is an increasing sensibility to noise. Things have become so bad that I get massive headaches, worse than the ones sinusitis presents me with. Of course, with them, I also get photosensitivity and an urge to vomit. If this shit continues, I'll have to stay at home during the holidays and birthdays.

#Fibromyalgia #Noise #Ramblings