Friday
My focus is appallingly narrow for now, concerned with begging for benefits so I can just pay the rent and bills, and even if I had any financial security which I have yet to see, I still don't know if my condition is getting worse, nor if I'm doing enough to help it. Very much a crucifixion sort of feeling. Struggling while a bit fucked. I don't like it.
There's always the option of whether I succumb to feeling overwhelmed or not. I prefer not; more ideas are possible then.
We all have to live within limits. It's not until your health goes, or your income disappears, that you realise how finite a lifetime is.
I'm clearly long overdue for a good meditation, to just let go of these jangling chains of thought. Only the body is sick. Only the wallet is empty. My mind can still expand into profound calm, despite it all.