A damp Thursday
Seems I must declare my findings to the world, as I uncover them. As much to share the truth of any good news, as to invite dialog to purify the ideas further.
As you may know, I'm shit scared of getting ill and dying, quite often every day and night. I'm depressed about it and I drag my arse through the day, hoping not to bring others down around me. But I seem to have been finding more mind hacks to cope. I seem to have distilled the following terror-quenching ideas, mostly based on the notes of numerous venerable Buddhist masters. I can't claim to have discovered these things first hand through insight meditation etc., but will be meditating on them for sure:
There's nothing. Ajahn Chah reportedly said this to Ajahn Brahm. Makes sense to me, if everything we perceive is automatically labelled by our minds. There seems to be an option to turn this default mode lightspeed labelling machine off, at least for periods of time, if not forever. It means to me that everything we are snarled up in, is hollow, empty, devoid of lasting self-existence. That's good news to me. There's nothing unless we say otherwise. It's perfectly ok to let go of all ideation, conceptualisation, thought process, automatic thinking, computations. The calm mind can soar to infinite heights and depths when unfettered by earthly concerns, and so it should, because it's the best gift in the universe. There, see... I forgot about being scared for my situation. Which is the more helpful state to abide in?
Being reborn may be optional. Being born at all is no weirder than being born again, in my view. Currently in my little lifetime, I'm tired, sick, dying. I've been chasing all the safety, fame, fortune, trappings, posessions etc. that any normal person might, and it's just bloody exhausting. I wouldn't want to live another human life if there's a choice. But what about the Bodhisattva view – such love for all sentient beings, that infinite rebirths are no problem to them if it helps others? This is as far as I can see, so far.
Suffering is based on clinging, ie. both longing for stuff and hating stuff. I have repeatedly verified that if I want what I haven’t got, or hate what I have got, I suffer. It hurts, it's inconvenient, it leads to additional mental loops and rabbit holes. However, if I can learn to let go, there's nothing to crave nor despise. This is deeply nourishing for the tired care-worn mind.
This life is an opportunity to awaken to the possibility of no more death and rebirth. Fortunately I have taken a great interest in enlightenment, meditation, good conduct that leads to liberation; the refuge of the Buddha & Dharma & Sangha. I am supremely interested in the idea of no further birth and death, as seems promised if we realise the ending of greed, hatred and ignorance. There's just my niggling unclarity regarding the Bodhisattva view, of refusing Nirvana until all sentient beings are freed from ignorance etc. I'm chewing on this, dear friends.